Oh Lord, purify me, make me a chalice in which you dwell, offer your sacrifice in me and spread your love through me. Let me shine like gold, adorn me with the jewels of virtue that I may always be open to you. Fill me. Overflow me. Let me be like that most perfect vessel, the Singular Vessel of Devotion, She to whom I cry for protection against the Evil One. I ask this for your glory, for the vessel is nothing without the sustenance inside, the cup nothing unless it is filled. Oh Lord, purify me.

Give me a word, Abba

Thursday, February 16, 2012


Today I would like to talk about Heavenly insurance.

Not really.

What I really want to talk about is the three As. I will start with Apathy.

Sometimes it just feels like nothing's really going on in your life. At least nothing that matters. This is a pretty common feeling right around the end of a big project. Especially if you're not going to finish (I finished this last one. Yes, including scale figures, titling and North arrow, thank you very much.) Sometimes when there's a lot of stress, you just want to not care. It seems insane to be so stressed and uptight about everything. And yet, is apathy the answer? It truly feels no better than stress, although you have this weird feeling that you're actually not responsible for anything, so it's sort of a chained freedom. I tend to dwell in the land of Apathy a lot.

It gets worse.


Some people think that this is similar to Apathy. It's not. It means being of two thoughts, or in english, being of two minds. But this isn't just a normal "I don't know which to choose" sort of two minds. This is the "I want two things with equal passion and they both seems bad and they both seem good." Either way, you're traveling down the path to destruction. Actually, the choice is tearing you apart, so you're pretty much completely done for. When the stress of life is getting to you and the choices before you both seem to lead to hell on earth, you could use some apathy, right? Wrong. That is wrong. Recipe for disaster. the energy it takes to embrace apathy on a normal day is way too much. Add ambivalence into the equation and you will find yourself imploding, twisting your mind around and around in a vicious cycle of various thoughts that are not helpful, to put it mildly.

Believe it or not, it gets worse.

Anger. When this load of apathy and ambivalence comes crashing down on your head, it's almost unavoidable that you get angry. Why should you care so much? Why can't you just not care? Why can't you choose the path to go? Where is all that help that people talk so much, or are we truly living in a "self-help" society where we're supposed to somehow pull ourselves up out of our apathy and ambivalence...and anger? Where is everybody? And since nobody shows up, all you can do is get angry at them for not coming and you for not being able to Deal.

And then you feel like this:

And you're like: Woah, slow down, buddy. What's the point? Get Triple A! That's right, heavenly insurance. (Seriously? I didn't think I would actually do that to you....) It's a free gift. When we stop looking at ourselves, we can see that Our Father was right there all along. Yeah, sure, maybe we're still confused and maybe we're stressed and don't feel like anything matters, but something does. God isn't like the seasons. He doesn't change. He doesn't get bitter cold so that you call for the heat and then become blisteringly hot so that you scream for the cold. He gives us the seasons to show that He, and not creation, is unchanging and will never abandon us. He is the thing we desire. He is the source and the fulfillment of the passion we feel. He is the Choice to be made. He is the Way the Truth and the Life. He is the Beginning and the End. He can infuse our lives and he can surround us in his love. When we are hurt, we can fall back on the Cross and we will know that our little co-pays of suffering are nothing to what He suffered. And He will always provide us with the strength of the Cross. What's that song they sing? "Blessed Assurance?" I say "Blessed Insurance." I mean seriously, who would give up Free Eternal Life Insurance provided by the Author of Life Himself? It almost makes you want to sing. It almost makes you want to smile. It almost makes you want to listen to this song, because it is beautiful and tells of God's love breaking through our pain:

Leaving aside the beautiful voice, this is what the Heavenly Insurance can do for our three As. If we let Him, God will love us without barriers, without a doubt, without second thoughts. Freedom from apathy, from ambivalence, from anger. Free from fear, distrust, unfaithfulness. Free love? That's Free Love

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